this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize