OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
