apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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