he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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