woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
