I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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