no. you can't hotbox the world.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
