True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
