I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
