Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize