I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had to cum in my sink.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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