just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
