I bet he comes in French.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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