fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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