Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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