WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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