eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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