I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
