what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
