Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
