He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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