And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
