hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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