Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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