I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
