Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
