i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
