she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
