Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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