If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize