I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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