i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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