Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
