Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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