come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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