im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
