guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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