And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
