i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
