when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
