Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
