somebody snuck up and got me drunk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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