Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's always time for handjobs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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