I just cut my nipple shaving
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
