you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
