I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize