Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
