remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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