I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
