Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry about my life...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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