I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
