who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
