I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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