I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out mid-signature
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
