I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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