I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
