I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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