He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
