i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
only if we run a train.
done.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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