she was so not down for the gang bang
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
