You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
