I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
