I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
