I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize