he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
