In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
