is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
