No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
