hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
